In my last post I said that we have a fertility specialist appointment in less than 3 weeks now but that I have sat on that news for a while. I needed a fair while to absorb all that this means. For one thing it means progress towards our dream. That alternately thrills and petrifies me but mostly thrills me.
But the main reason I have kept quiet about it is because it raised an issue and I really needed to think it through. To qualify for publicly funded fertility treatment (and that’s definitely the only kind we can afford) you have to have a BMI of 32. The Body Mass Index is motoriously inaccurate and outdated but bless their hearts, the medical field still use it. I have two problems. Firstly the BMI is useless when you’re this short and any bigger than say a twig. The second and more urgent problem is that I am, and can deny it no longer, a big fat fattington. I was always a little ‘curvy’ and it suited me once but I just haven’t had a BMI of 32 since I was 21. And in the 2.5 yrs I have lived with Dave I’ve left 32 well in the dust. In that time I have gained a whopping 40lb. I like to say I gained 18 kg, it sounds smaller. Dave loves me whatever I weigh but there is no denying the truth. Baby got back. And front and sides. To get down to a BMI of 32 I have to lose SIXTY TWO pounds. It’s daunting to say the least. And it will require serious effort. So far that’s not going well, Dave has been no help at all with willpower but I am determined to do it and soon. Now. Dave could do with a little weight loss too so my hope is that the specialists words will help him see how urgent this is for me. I want to use this as an opportunity for us, to become healthier people, to live longer and better lives for our future child. I’m way too close to becoming my mother for my liking.
This gorgeous skirt actually did it for me. Total epiphany moment when I saw it. It reminded me of the days when I could wear a skirt and look and feel great. I’ve missed that confidence as I have gotten fat and I definitely don’t want my weight to be a roadblock to becoming a parent. So I set a goal. Lose the weight, preferably the whole 60 lb in 6 months – hard target to make but February is the best month of summer here and I intend to ROCK it next year. And so to encourage myself I bought 2 yards of the fabric that skirt is made in and am going to buy Sew What! Skirts and they are going to sit there and urge me towards my goal. At some stage soon I will weigh myself officially and put a little thing in the sidebar to publicly encourage myself not to fail.
Thanks for reading this, it’s been weighing preying in my mind. Crafty post next time, I promise! I have embroidery patterns scanned and ready to share.