The truth can be scary

In my last post I said that we have a fertility specialist appointment in less than 3 weeks now but that I have sat on that news for a while. I needed a fair while to absorb all that this means. For one thing it means progress towards our dream. That alternately thrills and petrifies me but mostly thrills me.

But the main reason I have kept quiet about it is because it raised an issue and I really needed to think it through. To qualify for publicly funded fertility treatment (and that’s definitely the only kind we can afford) you have to have a BMI of 32. The Body Mass Index is motoriously inaccurate and outdated but bless their hearts, the medical field still use it. I have two problems. Firstly the BMI is useless when you’re this short and any bigger than say a twig. The second and more urgent problem is that I am, and can deny it no longer, a big fat fattington. I was always a little ‘curvy’ and it suited me once but I just haven’t had a BMI of 32 since I was 21. And in the 2.5 yrs I have lived with Dave I’ve left 32 well in the dust. In that time I have gained a whopping 40lb. I like to say I gained 18 kg, it sounds smaller. Dave loves me whatever I weigh but there is no denying the truth. Baby got back. And front and sides. To get down to a BMI of 32 I have to lose SIXTY TWO pounds. It’s daunting to say the least. And it will require serious effort. So far that’s not going well, Dave has been no help at all with willpower but I am determined to do it and soon. Now. Dave could do with a little weight loss too so my hope is that the specialists words will help him see how urgent this is for me. I want to use this as an opportunity for us, to become healthier people, to live longer and better lives for our future child. I’m way too close to becoming my mother for my liking.

This gorgeous skirt actually did it for me. Total epiphany moment when I saw it. It reminded me of the days when I could wear a skirt and look and feel great. I’ve missed that confidence as I have gotten fat and I definitely don’t want my weight to be a roadblock to becoming a parent. So I set a goal. Lose the weight, preferably the whole 60 lb in 6 months – hard target to make but February is the best month of summer here and I intend to ROCK it next year. And so to encourage myself  I bought 2 yards of the fabric that skirt is made in and am going to buy Sew What! Skirts and they are going to sit there and urge me towards my goal. At some stage soon I will weigh myself officially and put a little thing in the sidebar to publicly encourage myself not to fail.

Thanks for reading this, it’s been weighing preying in my mind. Crafty post next time, I promise! I have embroidery patterns scanned and ready to share.


Filed under infertility, weight loss challenge

11 responses to “The truth can be scary

  1. I’ve been reading your blog and love it!
    I didn’t have my children until I hit 30 and was newly divorced -And had just lost about 40 lbs! Both of my girls were after huge drops in weight. SO, here’s my maybe innocent point, coming from another curvy lady, you may just get pregnant without the fertility treatments if you lose the weight. Just be patient. I lost every bit of mine walking all the time. I used walking as a form of stress relief and lost the weight as a bonus. Use your ipod and daydream about making cutie baby clothes while walking!

  2. I don’t believe in dieting but I do think healthy food (which most of the time is very tasty too) and regular exercise (not sport! I don’t like sport either so I cycle and walk, and I have a house with 4 stairs :/) is important. And eat the (not so good) stuff you really like in really small portions! I wish you all the best and I hope you reach your goal(s)!

  3. anonymous

    i recently was denied health insurance because of my
    BMI score. i was so upset i started my “renewal” program that day ! i refuse to diet … i’ve restructured my eating – i only eat really good food – no more cheap, fattening foods. i spend money on several really good chocolates each week and enjoy them to the max – no phone, no interruptions – totally “me” time. i realized that there were so many other things in my life that i put ahead of myself (children and husbands and work and …). so, this “lemon” that dropped into my life … and i’m going to make the sweetest lemonade from it !!!
    ps – i am curvy & “well-endowed” up top so the BMI is unfair – i’ll have to lose more below to make up for the top that was given to me !
    so i can’t help imagining the envious looks from the “frumps” at the insurance company will give me when i strut my stuff back into that office !
    i’ve hidden my “assets” under baggy t-shirts for the last time !!

  4. Good luck with the weight-loss journey! If you’re someone that needs external accountability and/or group encouragement, I can highly recommend weight watchers group meetings. I lost 22kg with them about 8 years ago. I’ve kept off about 16kg of it since then, so it seems to work.

  5. glendasikes

    Good luck reaching your goal. Cut yourself slack if you don’t achieve 60 lbs in 6 months — that’s pretty intense, especially as you get closer to your goal. Focus on being healthy — be more active, choose healthful foods — more than focusing on the scale, BMI, etc. 🙂

  6. Good for you! The fabric for the skirt as a motivator sounds like a great idea. That’s too bad they use the B.M.I. though….that is inaccurate for so many reasons. My husband’s looks bad and he barely has any body fat…it doesn’t take muscle mass, which weighs more into account.

  7. Good luck with your weight loss journey. I’ve been trying to eat healthier (more veggies, less cheese and junk) instead of going into the “diet” mindset. It’s a big change, but I’m starting to have a lot more energy, so it’s definitely worth it

  8. Here is the US, fertility treatment is not covered by most insurance plans, so I think it’s wonderful that you have this opportunity. Of course, you do want to be as healthy as possible before getting pregnant — and although 62 lbs is a lot — you certainly have one of the best reasons I can imagine to lose the weight. I notice that many quilters have weight issues (myself included) — sewing is wonderful, but unfortunately it doesn’t burn many calories. Best of luck — I’m cheering for your success!!

  9. Just to echo the previous replies. I wish you all the luck with your weight loss – I know first hand how hard it can be. You’ve set yourself a pretty hard goal – but with the best motivation! I too went to weightwatchers and found them to be a great source of practical info, inspiration and motivation and I certainly wasn’t a person who liked to air my ‘problems’ in public. Good luck! xx

  10. bookwormbethie

    I think it’s fantastic that you bought a book and fabric as a motivator, but make sure you are going to be healthy about losing 10 pounds every month. Try to walk as much as you can, I don’t know if you have a DVD player but maybe you could buy an exercies video to use indoors when it gets too cold outside 😉 I wish you the best of luck. Everything will be worth it. Sometimes for things we want very badly, we have to work hard to get, but then the reward is soooooo worth it! I know you and Dave will have a family someday, and if being healthier is the way to do it, then y’all will be even better parents for it because you will be healthy, able to keep up with your kids, and also be able to model good eating and exercise habits to your child!

  11. Good luck … I lost 13kg on WeightWatchers before I got pregnant and it made such a difference to my health, my own self-esteem and my happiness. I have managed to not gain any of it back even after 2 babies … I wouldn’t have believed that was possible. Go for it!

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