The clock is ticking

I won’t go into details, it’s all rather frustrating to be in this broody state when we have both fertility problems and (lack of) money problems that make a baby a very unlikely thing for us for the forseeable future. Frankly I cry when I think about it. But yesterday my grandma and I looked at a couple of amazing shops. Posh people shops, that I don’t frequent. The first one had a section of baby toys and clothes that we oohed over. Her 61yr old brother just became a father so she’s looking for baby stuff. I thought that store was hard enough on my womb but then she dragged me into a fancy toy store with doll houses and a wall of the worlds cutest stuffed toys.

IĀ  get to meet the new baby next month at our Christmas dinner on the 16th, something I would normally enjoy but I am just dreading it now. If you have never been broody and unable to have a baby you’ll just think I am weird but I can honestly say I have never felt anything so…bittersweet.

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7 Comments

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7 responses to “The clock is ticking

  1. I know what you’re going through. Carrie and I went through three years of trying with 2 miscarriages (one requiring minor surgery, the other was a tubal pregnancy that required us to stop the pregnancy). Luckily, we had discussed adoption before we were even dating. And like so many others, as soon as we adopted, Carrie got pregnant. While this story may not have much application to your own situation, I just wanted you to know that all the questioning and crying and doubt (and there was plenty of all to go around) is tough. But every moment is worth it the first time you see your baby (or get the call from the adoption agency).
    On a lighter note, I love the Kaloo brand! While it’s hard to see those prices, think: quality over quantity. But on the other hand, Lukas’ favorite toy is still… a stick – free, plentiful, excuse to yell “You’ll put an eye out.” What more could you want in a toy?

  2. I’m so sorry for your pain and the struggles you are having with this. I know it won’t help much but I will keep you in my good thoughts. šŸ™‚

  3. my3boysandi

    Oh Im so sori
    Im praying for you
    HUGS

  4. eva

    I do hope You just need more time for you and your loved one AND for your life to calm down, to settle….You know, babies are like cherries on the top of cake – they come as a last addition šŸ™‚ So focus on Yourself and when Your spirit and soul are ready, everything follows by itself. :))))))

  5. Pingback: blogclouds » Blog Archive » The clock is ticking

  6. Bex

    I would listen to eva if I were you.
    It takes one “tick” for everything to change, your “tick” will come…(really, it will!) šŸ™‚

  7. it’s my first time on your blog.
    the above picture caught my eye because Kaloo are very popular soft toys in France and my daughter has one. She’s 8 but adopted him when she was a few months old only.
    And you could never part those two now !
    Well, then I got to read the post. And although I’m usually a silent reader, this time I’m not playing it shy, because I’ve been there where you are (and waited for several years before I was pregnant). I don’t believe this is weird at all. You are saying loud what most women with fertility problems think/feel. Good Luck.

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