I completely underestimated the mental effects of ivf treatment and have been caught offguard by how overwhelmed I feel this week. Luckily I had planned lots of crafting to keep me busy through the worst of it which has really helped. I decided to do a little sewing this week after seeing Rhiannon’s gorgeous little peasant tops here I had to make one. The pattern is here and is pretty easy but the instructions are a bit vague – it doesn’t tell you how long the arm and neck elastic  needs to be! Luckily Mr Google saved me and I found a peasant dress tutorial (guess what I plan to make next!) with elastic measurements so I was able to finish the top. I left the elastic casings open just in case though. You never know what sort of chub monster I might have. The pants are the newborn pants from Made By Rae and are a free pattern – they are made to fit cloth bums too! I adore that pattern. I also made a pair of pants from another cloth bum friendly pattern but I didn’t do so well at those. Honestly, I didn’t know I knew so many swear words. A sailor would have told me to wash my mouth out if he had heard me, I was that bad. So for now I think it’s back to the knitting needles. I’d far rather rip out a few rows than have to unpick another bloody seam.

And the magic loop technique? I am so embarrassed about how afraid I was to try it and how incredibly easy I found it. I find new things hard to learn but magic loop was most definitely not hard and I’m pretty sure I will never go back to straight needles voluntarily! No more seaming!

The book is Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children and so far it is really good if slightly creepy. I tried so hard with The Night Circus but I finally decided that if I kept reading I would constantly be asking myself if I was enjoying it or not. And I was never quite sure if I was. Reading should definitely not be that hard!

One storm is all it took to pretty much flatten my lovingly tended and ridiculously happiness inducing garden to a sad looking pile of broken and drooping plants. I never took a January photo, I never managed to capture my very first garden at it’s peak – simply because I couldn’t fit it all in one shot. The sunflowers were 6 feet tall and so close to flowering – all gone. The calendula I grew to make calendula baby bottom balm – shredded. The garden that was a few days ago heaving with plants – and food! – is now emptier. And I have to be honest: it hurts a little. So much effort (not to mention expense!) went in to making my little garden grow. And one day of wind and rain tore it up and left it looking pitiful. Luckily I managed to harvest the first billion butter beans, a single forgotten snow pea and a zucchini. The rain may have destroyed my sunflowers, calendula and bshed everything else but nothing short of a nuclear war will kill a zuchinni plant. And I bloody planted TWO. Why??

I’ve just started The Night Circus and am not sure what to expect from it. I waited for ages to get hold of a copy from the library so I hope it’s as good as it sounds. It can be so hard to find a really gripping book.

Broke my new years goal not to buy any yarn until mid March. Twice. On January 1st. Totally worth it. I’m going to do it again next week I think. The white is handspun locally and the money I spent helps support micro development in Myanmar. And the grey is semisolid hand-dyed merino superwash. Like I said…totally worth it.

Since I broke my first goal on Day 1 it seemed appropriate to replace it with a goal I actually have a chance of keeping. Challenge my knitting abilities (learn short rows, magic loop and continental style knitting) and knit one item of baby clothing a month. I am a slower than slow knitter so this will be an exercise in focusing. And item one involves raglan shaping, magic loop sleeves and generally paying more attention than I have ever paid before.

We went up to Otaki beach yesterday and had fruit ice cream and a walk on the beach. Man, summer rules!

Yarn. Lots of yarn:

Zucchini! I grew food! The garden has exploded this month:

And todays new addition to the never ending ‘must repaint’ pile. A rocking horse! I only dropped in to the op shop to drop off a box of stuff. Dave gave me quite an unimpressed ‘look’ when I came out carrying this!

When I see certain things at the thrift shop I can’t help but snap them up. This was definitely one of them. I liked it so much I carried it home nearly 2 kilometres rather than wait two days to pick it up in the car. It was not my best decision ever – I couldn’t quite feel my arms by the time I reached my house. But I love it and am planning to add a fridge and sink to it to make a whole play kitchen. I’ve been looking at the ones people have made on flickr. Woah baby. People have been unbelievably creative! I am so inspired and I’m thinking something like this will be perfect. Although I will never ever be able to decide what colour to paint it. I never really think of making things, it’s always buybuybuy then I get depressed that we don’t have enough money to buy all those things I keep wanting. That’s next years motto planned out: Make more, want less. I’ll have to write it down. I never did write this years motto down and I’m buggered if I know what it is.

There is a saaying around here: You can’t beat Wellington on a good day. On a sunny day, ice cream in hand, watching the people go past….I wouldn’t trade my life with anyone. And that building on the bottom right…one of the best damn libraries I have been to. Books, beauty and ice cream. All you need in life. Although of course ice cream is on hold for me right now. But I’m sort of, slightly, just for now, learning to like walking in place of ice cream. A friend and I did a local bush walk called Gums Loop Track. I even did it again the very next day with Dave. It’s no alternative to ice cream but it’s good for the soul! Although he’s still moaning about his blisters.

(spooky coincidence…this is exactly what the place I saw in my mind looked like when I meditated many years ago)

Early December garden. Leafy. Very leafy thanks to the rain but we need some summer sun to arrive SOON so the plants can start flowering. Well they are all still alive (minus a transplanted parsley which keeled over) and that’s far better than I have ever achieved. Need to thin the tomato plant (top left), plant some lettuce in that empty space, maybe remove one of the towering sunflowers (middle top) and trellis the snow peas although they are climbing the wind netting just fine for now. The egg shell and copper wire has worked well, there has been very little slug/bug damage. The only slow grower is the butter beans, they are only 5-6 inches high and they are a dwarf variety but still…we just need more sun. It’s been a wet couple of months.

And if you hate a rose bush on your property just get rid of it. Don’t neglect it and hope it dies. Apparently roses like neglect. It’s never looked more laden with shocking pink roses. That nutty old lady planted some weird things in some odd places.

This is my second try at making this bonnet. The first try ended badly when I made a mistake I couldn’t figure out – and it was about midnight so that didn’t help. I was three rows from the end. There was throwing and swearing involved. But it was probably for the best because it was too big and the yarn I was using was slightly too scratchy. So this time I cast on the number of stitches listed on the pattern and took a leap of faith. And lo and behold it came out exactly the right size. I left out the hideous lace and went for a plain look. The yarn is Malabrigo Worsted in the Pollen colourway. I am not the hugest fan of Malabrigo but man it is softer than soft. I have plans to knit a little pair of pants to match then maybe a little white cardigan.(And I can report that cats look frickin’ adorable in a bonnet. And a little bit hilarious. But they don’t appear to like it when you fall about laughing at them. And they DON’T hold still for photos.)

And perhaps a little IVF update for anyone still reading my blog? Yes? We are so so close now. We start early to mid January. I had my final (everytime I say that there ends up being just one more) appointment at the fertility clinic a few days ago. My AMH test (it shows roughly how many eggs you have left) came back showing great results so the drugs I have to take will be low. I got my first drugs – the contraceptive pill. They start IVF with a course of the pill then you inject yourself with something that mimics menopause. Crazy! We apparently have to see a nurse at some stage to show me (us) how to inject the drugs. Dave is bloody well coming to that one in case I panic. I will have to inject my tummy every day for about a month. All for a 45% chance of success. Pffft. I told him if it fails he’s buying me a bloody diamond. A real one.